An Honest Ranking of The Cure's Albums by an Honest Fan.

The Cure – My Definitive Album Ranking

I was inspired to create this ranking of The Cure’s albums after years of reading various album reviews and album ranking lists among internet sites and magazines. Never before have I disagreed as strongly with the reviews of both critics and fans regarding the merits of a band’s body of work. I feel that The Cure have suffered from very biased and non-objective criticisms of their albums. The Cure is one of my favorite bands and I felt very compelled to use the internet as a medium to express my views on their music and the impact it has had on me. For the most part I attempt to keep my perspectives on each album as brief and concise as possible. Every word contained in each review and in the ranking overall are reflective of my own personal opinions as a devout fan of The Cure and of music in general. I do not pretend to be an authority whose opinion carries any more valid weight than any other. I am simply a fan and a lover of music. The following is simply my perspectives concerning The Cure’s album upon great consideration and deep thought. It is my opinion that each of The Cure’s albums has something important to offer and each album is worth earning a place in any music lover’s musical library. I hope readers can at least respect my perspectives and at the very least strive to look at some of their favorite Cure albums through a different lens upon reading my ranking and reviews.



13) Three Imaginary Boys (1979)

• Three Imaginary Boys was The Cure’s first album and it was analogous to The Cure’s first UK release Boys Don’t Cry, although some of the songs varied between the two releases, for example “Boys Don’t Cry” was not originally included on the U.S. release of Three Imaginary Boys. Songs such at 10:15 Saturday Night served as a startling indication of the music that The Cure was to create later on in their career. Three Imaginary Boys represents a fascinating listen. It is actually a much stronger debut release than many of The Cure’s 80’s contemporaries; it is certainly much stronger than Depeche Mode’s Speak & Spell, which was released around the same time. Songs such as “Fire in Cairo,” “Accuracy,” and “Three Imaginary Boys” are quite interesting. The Cure were obviously still creating their identity and would not eventually cultivate their signature sound for another five years. Still, Three Imaginary Boys is an important and ultimately essential addition to any music library.

12) Faith (1981)
• Faith basically followed the path created by Seventeen Seconds which was released a year before. The songs feel as if they were borne of the same ilk as those that were written and recorded for Seventeen Seconds. The production on Faith is more atmospheric and melancholy when compared to Seventeen Seconds, similar production methods, in my opinion, would have benefited the songs on Seventeen Seconds, which I feel were a stronger set than those on Faith. This supports my belief that both Seventeen Seconds and Faith were transitional albums for The Cure that reflect a band excitedly manifesting its musical and personal identity.
• The echoing vocals of “Other Voices” and the gloom and complexity of “The Drowning Man” present striking new directions for the band. Again, the 2005 Remastered Re-Issue simply fortifies this fact in making the cleaner, crisper, and deeper production values more salient to listeners.

11) Seventeen Seconds (1980)

• I know many Cure purists would crucify me for placing both Seventeen Seconds and Faith this low on any list of Cure albums. It is probably blasphemy to do so. Keep in mind that I am never saying that these albums are bad albums. They are excellent, but to me these albums (both of which were released within a year of the other, were transitional albums that display a band that was still discovering its sound and direction. The arrangements are sparse and minimalist. This is not necessarily a bad aspect to the music, but I feel that the band would have done more with these songs if they could have. They remain ESSENTIAL albums within The Cure’s canon.
• Songs such as “Play For Today” and “Secrets” display the ultimate sonic goals that The Cure were attempting to achieve. The gloomy “A Forest” and “At Night” are shining examples of a band discovering its purpose and becoming better musicians in the process. The 2005 Remastered Re-Release was a beautiful update to the original release. The songs were re-vitalized through the remastering process and the muddy and dull production of the original releases were completely rectified revealing a new found vibrancy and intricacy to these albums. Despite my appraisal, Seventeen Seconds remains an incredible achievement and represents a huge step forward for The Cure.

10) The Top (1984)
• Listening to The Top is a completely fantastical experience. Robert Smith has noted on many occasions that this album is the closest thing to a Robert Smith solo album that the world has ever seen. This sentiment manifests itself in the vast extremes that this album exhibits. Like many of The Cure’s albums, there is a definite lack of consistency in the progression of the songs. Songs like “The Caterpiller” and “Shake Dog Shake” foreshadow much of what The Cure’s sound would eventually metamorphosize into. “The Top” is an especially intriguing song that closes the album.
• The album is generally overlooked and underappreciated. It definitively should not be. The album is an aural experience that should be given repeated listens because it is unabashed Robert Smith. It truly is a reflection of Robert Smith at his most carefree and crazy. This fact alone earns The Top great merit.

9) 4:13 Dream (2008)
• 2008’s 4:13 Dream opens with “Underneath The Stars,” one of the best Cure songs in this group’s entire canon. To me, “Underneath The Stars” is everything that I love about the Cure and my hope has always been that they would produce an entire album that sounded as beautiful and haunting as “Underneath The Stars.” Unfortunately, the rest of 4:13 Dream does not follow suit and disappoints on a few points.
• First, I would like to declare that 4:13 Dream is not a bad album and is quite an enjoyable listen. The production of the album rectifies the sparseness of 2004’s The Cure, but the song writing is not as strong as it was on that album. Also, the album suffers from some of the inconsistency that The Cure have battled since their origins. “Underneath The Stars” begins the album on a shimmering, brooding, ethereal tone, but it is immediately followed by the pop single, “The Only One.” “The Only One” is a great song, but feels disjointed following the epic opener. The entire album proceeds in a similar fashion. Many of the songs are really fantastic but could have benefited from a little bit of a harder edge. 4:13 Dream is a welcome addition to The Cure’s library and overall it succeeds in representing a collaboration of many of the elements of The Cure’s past work.

8) The Cure (2004)
• Reviews for The Cure’s 2004 self-titled album were mixed upon the album’s release. Some claimed that the album was a return to form, others complained that it was simply standard fare for The Cure. In truth, The Cure, is a strong album that succeeds much more valiantly in theory than in reality. The Cure, was hailed before its release as a heavy cure album. Its producers worked with heavier Nu Metal bands of the late 90’s and many fans were extremely excited to hear a heavy, rock Cure album. I certainly was brimming with excitement. Immediately it became apparent to all listeners, including myself that this album is much more under-produced than we all had hoped. The album was recorded live in the studio and makes little use of distorted guitars and overdubs.
• The Cure still contains great Smith song writing and the songs contain enough gloom and hooks to keep Cure fans happy. Overall, I feel that this album will not have the re-play value for Cure fans that it could have. Songs such as “Lost,” “Labyrinth,” and “The End of the World,” are all extremely passionately performed. Smith sounds much younger than his years would indicate. It is just frustrating to have to wonder what this album could have been if Smith did not strip these songs down so much. Much of what makes The Cure great is that they were never opposed to using the studio to create lush soundscapes and atmospheric sonic realms. Ironically, The Cure returned to such techniques in 2008’s follow up 4:13 Dream, but still were unable to capture the magic of years passed. Overall, The Cure is a great album and one that any Cure fan should appreciate over time.

7) Pornography (1983)
• Pornography is not only the darkest of all Cure albums, it is also the darkest album that I own. Perhaps the greatest goth rock album ever released it stood as a stark contrast to all previous Cure albums. Pornography has an incredibly percussive and driving sonic theme throughout. It is a consistent sense of rock urgency that seems to beat along for the entire duration of the album.
• The album begins with the deliciously driving riff of “One Hundred Years,” and the album refuses to slow down from the first note to the last. “Siamese Twins” drips like molasses on a hot day. It is slow moving and demonically beautiful. Whereas “The Figurehead” immediately casts listeners into a black oubliette of despair. The album closes with the nocturnal masterpiece “Pornography.” At the time of its release, Pornography was the most consistent and cohesive album The Cure had released. Ultimatly, the album suffers slightly from the fact that each song feels eerily similar to each other. The vocal track is often hidden behind driving percussion and the busy production and lack of diversity amongst the songs perhaps makes the album feel a bit monotonous. Beyond this, Pornography was a major statement in the musical identity and the overall strength of the Cure. No longer was the band a sparse eerie mist, it was now a goth rocking juggernaut and The Cure had the album to prove it.

6) Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me (1987)
• Ahhhh, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me. This album is enormous in scope. At time breathtaking, and at times frustrating. The good songs on this album are masterpieces, but the mediocre songs drag it replay value down immensely. Robert Smith vision for this alum was just TOO vast. If he had trimmed it down a little the overall quality of the album as a singular work would have worked better. Another gripe that I have of this album, both of the original release and of its subsequent Remastered Deluxe Edition is that the mastering is very bright, too bright. For example on songs like “Torture” it is difficult to listen to the song itself because the treble vastly outweighs the bass. This further contributes to an uneven feeling throughout the album.
• Overall, the great songs outnumber the mediocre songs on this album. “The Kiss” is the majestic rock opener. It remains one of the best opening tracks among The Cure albums and one of my all time favorite Cure songs. Other songs such as “If Only Tonight We Could Sleep,” “Just Like Heaven,” All I Want,” “One More Time,” “A Thousand Years,” and “Shiver and Shake,” are among the Cure’s best work. Kiss Me, represented a completely unrestrained band that was creating music that encompassed every genre that every member of the band had an interest in. This the gift AND the curse of Kiss Me. On the one hand, the unrestrained and diverse nature of the album allowed for the band to produce some of its best music, but it also compelled them to forget to apply the brakes as means to produce a cohesive album. Many songs such as “Torture,” “Catch,” and “Snakepit,” would have functioned better as b-sides rather than being included on the proper album because the album is asks too much of the listener and is a daunting album to trudge through. Negatives aside, Kiss Me is an essential Cure album and remains one of the most critically acclaimed and most loved of all of the Cure’s albums. It also boasts the best and coolest album cover The Cure has ever used. Overall, it is an integral Cure record and is essential listening. I labored for a great deal of time on whether or not to place Kiss Me ahead of Pornography in this list. This issue presented me with the conflict concerning ranking. In the end, I only place it ahead of Pornography due to the sheer amount of quality material found on this album compared to Pornography. In trust, I would most likely rank these album at a tie, but for ease of making the list linear I place Kiss Me, ahead of Pornography. Nevertheless, Kiss Me is a fascinating listen and one of the overall best Cure albums.

5) The Head On The Door (1986)
• The Head On The Door was The Cure’s largest musical step forward and it created the framework for the quintessential “Cure sound” that would serve as the spine for all of the band’s future musical endeavors. The Cure was again a functional group of musicians. This time the band expanded their sound to include acoustic instruments and worked to create solidly produced songs by layering instruments and sounds together.
• “In Between Days” is one of The Cure’s most identifiable songs and this song introduced to the world to The Cure that we have all grown to love. This single would set the standard for the many subsequent Cure pop singles and it propelled The Cure into super stardom. Other songs such as “The Blood” and “Six Different Ways,” found the band exploring completely new territory which ultimately helped to make The Head On The Door a wonderfly eclectic listen. “Close to Me” was another huge, light-hearted single that expressed the diversity of the album. “Push,” to this day, remains on of my all time favorite Cure songs. It represents an early indication of just how masterfully Robert Smith could weave pop elements within a rock framework to create a simply irresistible aural experience. I must have listened to “Push” on repeat a thousand times over the years. Other notable songs such as “A Night Like This,” and the murky closer “Sinking” contribute to making The Head On The Door the quintessential Cure album. As previously stated, The Head On The Door represents a major turning point in the band’s history. For the first time an entire Cure album was both dynamic, diverse, AND extremely accessible to the pop culture. IN truth, each subsequent Cure album replicated the formula of The Head On The Door (although few matched its creativity and enjoyablility). Despite what perspective one takes with respect to The Head On The Door, it is undeniable that The Cure was a different band after its release than before and each successive album after it was influenced by its formula and style. A classic not only amongst Cure albums, but also amongst all modern rock albums. After The Head On The Door, The Cure became - THE CURE.

4) Wild Mood Swings (1996)
• I have always felt that Wild Mood Swings has been VASTLY under-rated, not only by industry critics, but also (and most surprisingly) by Cure fans. Wild Mood Swings, to me, is the album that Robert Smith was always trying to make. The album combines all of the best elements of previous Cure albums: gloom, rock, glam, goth, pop sentimentalities, lush production, bi-polar lyrics, and a HORN section! I still do not understand why fans continue to under-appreciate this album and perhaps I will never quite figure it out, either way, Wild Mood Swings is exactly what the title purports, and that is a very, very good thing.
• The album beings with “Want” an extreme rock song that is definitely one of my favorite Cure songs. It is very similar in structure to “The Kiss” and starts the album perfectly. “This Is a Lie” is an orchestral wonder that is one of the saddest and deepest Cure songs in existence. Wild Mood Swings contains a handful of atmospheric and orchestral mood pieces like “This Is A Lie.” Other such songs include the spiraling “Jupiter Crash,” the haunting funeral elegy “Treasure,” and the lumbering closer “Bare.” Each song rank among the most emotive and best Cure songs. The album also oscilates and includes some of the poppiest and happiest cure songs, such as the infectious “Mint Car,” “Round & Round & Round,” and “Gone!” Shamefully Wild Mood Swings was an almost universally panned effort. Critics and fans claim that the album is to disjointed to be enjoyed. I whole-heartedly disagree. Will Mood Swings is just as the title suggests and herein lies the albums strength. This is best reflected in its initial single “The 13th” an utterly fun, mariachi influenced party song that sound like nothing else The Cure have ever recorded. The closest comparison that can be made is to “The Caterpillar.” To me. Wild Mood Swings in a tour de force of The Cure’s sounds. It is masterfully produced and its moody soundscapes provide for a consistently enjoyable and engaging listen. The album contains some of the bands highest highs and lowest lows (with regards to mood) and is presented in a linear package that is well-produced and masterfully performed. Wild Mood Swings should not be overlooked or unfairly condemned, instead it should be lauded for the many great songs that it offers.

3) Bloodflowers (2001)
• Bloodflowers remains one of the most beautiful albums that I have ever heard. The entire album is heart-breakingly lush and painstakingly beautiful. The album has a consistent musical theme throughout, and in my opinion is much more thematic and consistent than Disintegration. For example, if any of the songs on Bloodflowers were to be placed in any other Cure record before or after its release, the song would undoubtedly seems as if it did NOT belong. This, to me, is a great aspect of this album.
• Like the best Cure albums, Bloodflowers does not contain a weak song. Each song meanders into the others and creates a gray world of sadness and sorrow. Each song is long and tortured. Only a single song “there Is No If…” is less than 5 minutes long. The paramount strength of the album is that despite the length of the songs, it never becomes boring or uninteresting. “Watching Me Fall,” which clocks in at over 11 minutes long, changes its cadence and mood multiple times to conclude in an all out rock climax. “The Last Days of Summer” is a absolutely beautiful song about growing old. “Maybe Someday” is one of the best lead off singles The Cure have ever offered. “Bloodflowers” is one of the most powerful and moving songs contained on any Cure album and it certainly is the strongest album closer among all of The Cure albums.
• Truthfully, there is not much more to say about Bloodflowers. Each song is fantastic for the same reason. Bloodflowers is best experienced than described. It is an emotive journey that displays some of the best musicianship that The Cure have ever offered.

2) Disintegration (1989)
• At time of its release in 1989, Disintegration was the album that The Cure has worked for their entire careers to create. It is a gloomy, atmospheric, brooding musical experience, best enjoyed in one complete sitting. The songs are slow and meandering; echo caverns of pure rock genius. In my opinion, Disintegration represents the first Cure effort at achieving a complete consistent and thematic piece of musical art. Previously, albums like The Head On The Door and Pornography came close, but failed. The Head On The Door does not flow as consistently and beautiful as Disintegration. With that album, The Cure attempted to squeeze one too many new diversities into an album that was too short to accomplish all that they desired to convey. Pornography is a very consistent and thematic album, but in many ways it is a one-trick pony (albeit an incredible trick). Many of the songs on Pornography sound as if they are different nightmares from the same sleep.
• Disintegration, on the other hand, perfectly marries the melancholy that The Cure were attempting to express with the pop sentimentalities that any music lover could appreciate. I believe the best example of this, and the best song on the album “Prayers for Rain,” a brooding and muscular track that best exemplifies the mood of the album. “Plainsong” is not only a perfect opener to the album, but is one of the best Cure songs ever written. In my opinion though, Disintegration is NOT a perfect album. Songs like “lullaby” and “Fascination Street” break up the cohesiveness of the album. Perhaps I am the only person to have ever said this, but I feel “Lullaby” comes across as goofy and a bit of a self-parody. “The Same Deep Water As You” drones along and never quite achieves the ability to hold the listener’s interest like the subsequent “From the Edge of The Deep Green Sea” was able to do on Wish. Songs such as “Homesick” and “Disintegration” are great tracks but become a little monotonous.
• Honestly, all of these weaknesses to do not sink the album whatsoever. I only present them as a contrast to the strengths of the Wish album. Disintegration is not only one of my favorite albums of all time, it is one of the greatest rock albums in history and ultimately deserves all of the praise and acclaim that the album has enjoyed for over two decades.

1) Wish (1992)
• Following Disintegration seemed an impossible task. Almost anything that The Cure could have released would have immediately been scrutinized under the framework of the critical acclaim that Disintegration enjoyed (and still enjoys today). To create a better album would seemingly be to “wish an impossible” “thing.”
• To say that Wish is the best Cure album is a controversial and dangerous assumption. I can declare with overwhelming conviction that Wish is MY FAVORITE Cure album, and to me, represents The Cure’s most cohesive and strongest effort. I believe that Wish is the only album in The Cure’s distinguished canon that succeeds at every discernable level and accomplishes the sweeping vision of Robert Smith. Wish is The Cure’s “rock album” and was undoubtedly influenced by the grudge and shoegaze movements of the early 90’s. The album does not contain a single weakness. Each song blends the layered and encompassing production that Smith set out to create. The songs flow seamlessly from one to the next and create a mood that is both uplifting and melancholy at the same time. The mood that the album masterfully creates is one that is undeniably and quintessentially THE CURE. Melodic sadness and pop sentimentalities. Critics of the record usually complain that songs such as “High” and “Friday I’m In Love” try too hard to satisfy pop audiences. These same critics often cite to the fact that in interviews Robert Smith as criticized fans who rallied around “Friday I’m In Love” as a single. Further, devout Cure fans would claim that the very fact that Wish was The Cure’s most successfully charting album effectively murders any chance that a Cure purist should or would rank this album as the band’s best.
• I believe that it is exactly these criticisms that blind both devout fans and critics alike from the substantial merits and accomplishments of this album. The songs “High,” “Friday, I’m In Love,” “Doing the Unstuck,” and “Wendy Time” may capitalize on the more pop predilections of the band, but (unlike other Cure albums) they DO NOT sound out of place on Wish. Instead each uniquely contributes to the overall polished and perfectly produced and implemented totality of the album’s sound. “A Letter To Elise” is one of the saddest and most beautiful rock songs every written. To me, this song is one of the greatest moments the Cure have ever had. Never before did Smith succeed this clearly at implementing his melancholy musical objectives as conveyed to our popular culture. “Cut” is a full-on rock song layered with angst ridden vocal and swirling effects-laden guitars. Smith’s vocal soar and the band is playing tighter than ever. Wish also contains the atmospheric and brooding tracks that had become The Cure’s trademark by then. Songs such as “Apart,” “Trust,” and “End” are among The Cure’s best mood tracks. The fact that they all appear on the same album is a revelation. “To Wish Impossible Things” combines some diverse musical influences while maintaining the feel of a uniquely “Cure” song.
• From its start until its “End” Wish is the most completely realized Cure album. For me, Wish never becomes boring and never outlives its replay value. It has withstood the test of time and does not sound dated. Wish rocks and lulls. It is strong and beautiful. I believe it succeeds at every level and represents The Cure that I believe The Cure should be. No other album in The Cure’s catalogue equals Wish’s sound, songwriting, and overall feel. Wish is one of my all-time favorite albums and one that I will continue to return to throughout my life. It is a perfect listen in both happy times and sad times; in the winter or the summer; during the night or in the day. It is a largely ignored and underappreciated monumental achievement. Its perception was marred by critics who were looking for any reason to contemn and scrutinize the band upon its release. I implore any Cure fan who disagrees to revisit the album with an open mind. I promise you that history will cast a greater smile upon it.

There is a Light...

It has been quite some time since I have posted. Life marches on. With each bend in the road, the world presents itself as a stunningly beautiful and utterly breathtaking embrace. I am filled with the excitment of the spark that ignites a forest fire. a firefly. a firstlast goodbye. a blue sky...a starfish. it matters to this starfish...................................................... hope springs eternal.

Talking in Our Sleep

Pretty things...this is really how the story ends, but it does not mean it is not going to end the way you want it to...

I (Am)sterdam

Above is a picture of myself praying for serenity at The Church of Our Lady in Bruges, Belgium.



I returned today from my journey to europa. The trip included a stop in the Netherlands to visit Amsterdam, then on to Belgium to visit Brussels and Bruges. life changing. i (Am)sterdam.

I (Am):

frites

teruvian

"the funny thing about you is...you always come back for more."

Bjorn Bjornson & his Black Diamond

Absynthe Raven~*

pannekoeken

stroop

White Widow

one headlight

Vondel Park

The Bell Tower

Sang Real... the blood of Christ

Nico - defending America

Leslie in the square

Sebastian in the rain

bicycles

"Free refills? Free refills? Free refills? ok. free refills." - in Brussels

"leave...just leave!"

Turbo toke

Supernova toke

the Rijks

Ride the Snake

A trip to Valhalla

Ride the Tiger

baked.

Delirium Christmas/Nocturnum/Tremens

Red Absinthe

waffles

the River Eel - "i am eeling much better."

an afternoon with Van Gogh

Anne Frank Huis

"holland was the most power country in the world...during the Golden Century."

I (Am)sterdam

Canals

Sharoma

windmills

wooden shoes

Our Waitress in Brussels

Eternal Moon over Antwerpen

"Was I a vampyre last night?"

XXX museum

Rembrandt

Ham and Cheese baguette

"Return that one."

"Shut your N face"

the professor

the lost dreadlocked moped rockers

Schipol

Nouckkkkkkkkkkaaa!

Sploofs?

the Game internationale

slagroom

"the meat? Well, we do not have an English word for it."/ "Good, I will take that." - Derrick

Free Hugs, - "I'll take some free hugs."

Ride the Dragon

Icy Winter (in the incarnation of that white-bearded, blue-eyed old man)

La Chouffe bar

arguing british mother and son; while father silently participated.

Wok to Walk

"What are you guys doing tonight, would you like a pamphlet?" -guy/ "go home." - Joe/ "ok." -guy.

"How's it going?" (to some scraggly homeless guy)/ "UHAhaUauahah" - scraggly homeless guy.

'its a blonde, is that ok?' -hot blonde waitress referring to the beer/ "I love blondes" - John (smirking violently).

rocking on guitars in music shop in Brussels

European, french-speaking father playing lovingly with son on the train.

Waiter kicking us out because it was a "restaurant" and we needed to order more food. We won though because the waitress across the street was super hotand we ordered tons of food including onion soup and Real hot chocolate.

The game: hugh laurie

First interaction with european in Amsterdam. "What is there to do?" -tonz./ "do shrooms and go to vondel park." "Do shrooms and go to van gogh." - guy at the desk in the hostel.

space cake.

If you are the queen of california, i am the king of the rain...

"she said, 'DID YOU THINK that you were dreaming?'

I said, 'no.'

she said, 'DID YOU THINK THAT YOU WERE DREAMING???'

I said, 'NO!!!!'

she said, 'did you think that you were dreaming?'

I said, "sometimes I don't know.'"

_____

"could you tell me just one thing that you will remember about me?

just one, thing....

...could you tell me just one thing that you will remember about me?"

*~tempests and charms~*

“pour more wine, it's only dusk."

The grass was so soft. I could hear them in the distance. Panoramic sky.

“Is this how it is supposed to be?”

Clothes were loose. Wrists were weak. Her scent diffusing/confusing/infusing. She smelled like a girl. a real girl. a petite girl. a young girl. a little girl. younger than her age admits. like cherries and cream. a dream. it seems.

“I tell you what, we never imagined we would be here now, did we?”

“no. i guess life is funny sometimes.”

Even the rain wants to be the snow sometimes. Even the young want to grow sometimes. Even the ignorant want to know sometimes. Even lakes want to flow sometimes. Even blackholes want to glow sometimes.

“sorrow has never benefited anyone before.”

“I disagree, there is beauty even in tragedy.”

“how so? I mean, c’mon? We have both been through so much, you know as well as I do, that no one likes to go through pain and sorrow, and the wishing for a better tomorrow.”

“You are right, we might not see it at the time, but there is beauty everywhere. Nothing is trivial. Everything means something. Every moment defines [defies] us. We are shaped by the experiences that life impresses upon us.”

The thorax. each impossibly thin wing. the orchestra of sound - a crescendo of hum and static. things automatic. things aromatic.

“things are changing. I always hated change, but change transforms.”

/conforms/a life reborn/a new moon/ a first kiss…again/

“can you have a first kiss, a second time?”

“anything is possible, life is all about perspective.”

Subjectivity/the light cast through a prism/ it bends/tends/lends/bends itself/a new perspective/the last/first kiss. a kiss. i miss/kiss/miss…listless.

“Max Ehrmann wrote in the Desiderata of Happiness that ‘despite its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, the world is STILL a beautiful place…so strive to be happy’ or something like that.”

Countenance and sentiments. Cigarettes and coffee cups. We can be young forever. Love will keep us young. Love will keep us safe. Love is the silence between the sighs.

"'i wish to infuse myself among you, till you see it common for us to walk hand in hand'."

“happiness is a first kiss, a second time.”

To have and to hold….when the fire dies down.
To have and to hold….when the queen breaks her crown
To have and to hold….in the blink of an eye
To have and to hold….when the summer moon cries
To have and to hold….under the covers in winter
To have and to hold….as the sea tries to take her
To have and to hold….when all hope seems lost
To have and to hold….through snowflakes and frost
To have and to hold….when the couplets are missing
To have and to hold….during nights spent just kissing
To have and to hold….when the music is silenced

To have and to hold....through the dust and the violence
To have and to hold….when the brides are not blushing
To have and to hold….when the blood is not rushing
To have and to hold….in that old picture in the frame
To have and to hold….when the wax drowns the flame
To have and to hold….as the tincture begins to fade
To have and to hold….when the black flowers are laid
To have and to hold…..through the tempests and charms
To have and to hold…..on the swings, interlocking arms
To have and to hold…..blessed by Fall and the Her breeze
To have and to hold…..watching our little girl sneeze
To have and to hold…..in orange mornings at dawn
To have and to hold…..at twilight stretched across the lawn
To have and to hold…..as the sun/moon flashes by
To have and to hold…..when the creek will run dry
To have and to hold…..laughing within piles of fallen leaves
To have and to hold…..with initials carved on November trees
To have and to hold…..when things are no longer the same
To have and to hold…..when cold, tired, and tame
To have and to hold…..when our hearts do grow old
To have and to hold…..wrapped in blankets, in the folds
To have and to hold…..through the 'sound and the fury'
To have and to hold…..till the end of the story
To have and to hold…..when the birds come back home
To have and to hold…..late at night, when alone
To have and to hold…..when crestfallen and sad
To have and to hold…..in all those dreams that we’ve had
To have and to hold…..chasing July and lightening bugs
To have and to hold…..in those old clothes getting hugs
To have and to hold…..in the waves out at sea
To have and to hold…..you and I, you and me

happiness is a first kiss, for a second time~*

[fade out 2:15 pm]

'kissed me quite insane'

"I have never conceived of myself as a rakish man," I said to her from across the small table in that "clean, well lighted place."



The summer was ambling on, in that sheepish, jaunty way that she tends to. I held tight to the mug handle that circumnavigated my finger and stared vigorously into it in search of any sense of dignity and desire. The cream formed shapes within my coffee -- portraying various Rorschach manifestations. What did i see?


that golden crown? that spawn of winter? her eyes, under water? a wilting flower? a lilting hour? a listless girl?


"You are not a rakish man, -- perhaps the word 'brackish' is more becoming of your visage," she responded.


"hmmm, that was very salty of you to say," i said.


Night was falling. calling. falling. We sat freeze-framed at the table as the rest of the patrons were moving in fast-forward. She cleared her throat. Someone's cigarette smoke had found its way from outside to our table. We greeted it with disdain.


Latent desires consumed every awkward movement. Autumn was on her way. Her orange fingers at our feet. She would come to carry me home. soon. home/soon.


*~answered prayers/prayers answered~*


She was suddenly pretty. Her hand smoothed and readjusted her hair, which was partially tied up and partially cascading down. I love when things are askew, unkempt, disheveled. Chaos in a chaotic world. the truth foretold. "She speaks yet she says nothing."


"You are simultaneously so loud and so quiet. You are very outgoing and also very shy." She smirked.


I could not find a clever or truthful way to respond. I examined the lives of so many other people, but I have always neglected to examine my own. I believe that I am quite a linear person. It is as if I have remained unchanged through the years. In my opinion, I am everything that I ever was. nothing more. nevermore. forevermore. allure. the sea and the shore.


Her eyes shined "as daylight doth a lamp...through an airy region...so bright, that birds would sing and think that it were not night."

"I suppose I am like the seasons, I change, yet I always remain the same," I claimed.

"Perhaps," she said, through the most beautiful and natural smile I have ever received.

"I think Persephone has 'kissed me quite insane'," I insisted.

Maybe I will get lucky and be metamophosized into a sunflower. My sole/soul objective being to follow Apollo's chariot burn its way across the sky. The most beautiful routine anyone has ever fathomed.


Would she share such a hope? I wanted to know so much about her. I wanted her to like me for me. Her name was NOT Sara with no "h." I suppose rules were made to be broken. as were hearts~*


I dream in violet. violent. violet. Her sepia ways intrigue my grayscale perspectives. The longing that drips from my eyes compels her to 'breathe water.' Her foot grazed mine beneath the table...i was filled with hysterical shocks of hysterical electricity. A culmination of the "thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to." Our instant tryst lived an entire life in a mere moment in time.

Her hand touched her face.


"Tell me about yourself, I know very little about you. I tend to ramble, but I really want to get to know you," I urged.

"Well, I am a 'traveler of both time and space' just just like yourself. I know it sounds cliche but I am still searching for who I am," she responded.

"Tell you what, I will search for you, if you search for me. When and if we find who each other should be, we can trade, and then everything will be in its right place." I bargained. with the hope of a trillion photons cast through an ancient keyhole.

"hahaha. deal! But, what if i find who you are supposed to be and i REFUSE to give him up?" She asked?

"'That is a consumation devoutly to be wished.' If that happens I will hold who you are supposed to be, captive and then a mystery is born." I exclaimed.

"If you have who I am supposed to be, and I have who you are supposed to be, I guess we cannot stray too far from eachother!" She surmised elegantly.

*~Hearts replaced the stars~* in the sky. I looked directly at her, and then I looked away. I was disarmed. A feeling quite foreign to me. The temperature outside was falling. Just don't leave...please don't leave. A friendship caught on fire~* I was on fire...no lack of oxygen. I need this. I have traveled. I am weathered. I am tired of being too late/early. late. When I was young I had so much to give. I have so much to give. no lack of oxygen...

"A beautiful life that would be." I whispered to her...looking at her with sideways eyes.

"beautiful indeed." She whispered back.

"It is a beautiful rain." I said.

"beautiful indeed." She whispered back.

The rain curtained the outside world. I was safe inside...beneath the constellation shaped like an umbrella that surrounded her. My hand was on my coffee mug. Her hand was on hers. She reached across the synapse between our hands with her tiny finger and placed it upon mine. All of my blood was instantly replaced with molten lava. I lost the ability to speak. to move. to breathe. to sigh. to dream. to sleep. to wake. to live. to die. to crrrrrrrrry. One million bright butterflies were released within my body.

alllllllwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyysssssssssssssssss....

Some moments in life, despite their brevity seem to last forever. I knew the borders of her country. I knew the great divide. I knew the truth. Shakespeare has written that "cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once." I feel as if I have already died a thousand times. What is love, anyway? Is it longevity? Is it a single instance -- a spark? Love changes. Love misleads. Love confuses. Love tempts. Love compels. Love inspires. LoVe leaves. Love never leaves. Love hopes.

"Our life together was soooo pretty," she smiled. crestfallen smile.

her hand still on mine.....

"I imagine it was. " I responded through a sea of stars~*.

______________

born of the Night. Love and Desire. Responsible for the embrace of Heaven and Earth. Psyche. midnight vespers. ravenous. "exit seraphim and Satan's men."
______________

"It is getting late. My boyfriend will be here to pick me up soon." She said.

"I know. I got your coffee, do not worry about it," I informed her.

"Thank you." she exclaimed.

"See you soon?" she asked.

"soon." I said.

I watched her leave. flames inhabiting each footstep. the galaxy compressed~*. I smiled to myself. "life is but a walking shadow...full of sound and fury...signifying nothing."

there was just you and I. you and I. me and you. just me and you. possibility. form/function. this time. all time. your hand in mine. no more walls to climb. hard lines. eyelashes. tangled. the moon. aimless tongues. weathered knees. all those stories. apathy. an analogy. the sand. hemoglobin. bougainvillea leaves. swirly hearts. crayon maps. digital dreams. flour/flower. eros. errors. drying ink. the colour pink. glitter. the dying fire. forever. always. you and me. you and me. neverwas. always have.

forever/never/ever.

you and me.

out. out. brief candle.

[fade out 10:59]

Paper and Morning Sky...

I want the sun to sing,

for the moon to be king.

Within this crowded room,

I will be alone again; too...soon.

I want some sideways rain,

to greet my window pane.

I will never, ever be the same.

What to say?, where to look?, who to blame?

I want all the world’s emotion
to form a rainbow of commotion.

I discovered that my lovely butterfly

was only made of paper and morning sky.

I want no regret or remorse

to taint this late-night discourse.

My fingers will move softly, slowly

across her seas, her eyes look bent on me.

I want the falling snow to taste,

like tiny fingertips and lace,

I hear the whispering, young coquettes

offering to me their honest brunettes.

I want everything to shine.
All paramours bleed turpentine.
The lost and aimless wedding ring,
will not forever yearn for some day in spring,

I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING AT ALL.
Your Ivory kingdom is bound to fall.
There is just no more love to make,
I only want your heart to break.

Only then will you understand,
these cryptic words written on their hands,
Some small-town girl’s lost innocence, by the lake
I want nothing more but for your heart to break.

Where do I go from here?

Where do I put all of this fear?

Memories swirl, and complicate

my path, my divinity, my fate.

I am small, I will rise, and I will fall.
Autumn will always remember my all.
That flower will grow in the same, exact place
where my tears have disappeared without a trace,

A parade of Ing'enues sit by my side,
they each hold my hand and confide,
I am sorry, there is only so much rain I can take,
I only want your heart to break,

I am sooo sorry,

I only want your heart to break...
Please GOD, I want your heart break...
You just deserve for your heart to break...

I only want your heart to break...

[fade out 2:13]

...the more things change.

I said to her, “I had rather a rose than live, forever.”

The air smelled of July, with a hint of August.. It had been three months since the Great Divide. My belly was wearing thin from the inside. It was a feeling. Acclimate. With the humidity we hung between the earth and the sky. Between the sky and the earth. In between hours, in between minutes, in between seconds…..between moments.

I stood idle as she smoked her cigarette. A failed attempt to relinquish such a desperate habit. I had urged her to stop for quite some time, but to no avail. The winds set sail.

“I feel so ugly, so disheveled and unkempt,” I spoke while looking anywhere but her face.

I felt the sides of her mouth begin to rise.

“You were always disheveled and unkempt, but never ugly,” she smirked with a laugh.

“Oh yeah. Right,” I retorted.

There was always something about the summer. It always made me feel safe. As if I was covered in a giant, warm blanket. Covered from the rest of the world., lulled by the hum of air conditioners and silent streets. All of the trees constantly waving and in full regalia. Dressed in their summer’s best. Where the lungs of children, rest.

“How do we reinvent ourselves, while remaining true to our convictions?” I asked. Half expecting a real answer. Not expecting a rational or useful one.

“You just do, and see what happens…ya know? See what feels right.” She responded.

Surprisingly, this made an incredible amount of sense. I felt as if I would have given it supreme credence if the Dalai Lama had said it, but because she had said it, I pretended to dismiss it….without prejudice.

“I always feel, pushed and pulled in a myriad of different directions. Society -- pulling me towards the precipice of conformity [death], and my heart – pulling me further away from anything anyone else would find desirable.” I boldly stated.

“You think they’ll let us out early?” she offered, as if she had not heard a word of what I had just said, or as if she simply did not care.

“I need a new haircut,” I matched her dismissal.

“Yes you do.” She quickly responded, thus winning the verbal jousting with a sharp insult to the heart.

I smiled and silently offered her my congratulations. She is very pretty. Sometimes I notice this and sometimes I do not. It could be the way her face catches the light. I am never pretty in the light. I always prefer the dark. Our evolving friendship overcomes her prettiness. She is worth more to me as friend. I wished this moment would not end. Not because I liked being in her company, but because it was a safe moment. I was far from pain or happenstance. Halfway through the sundial. The war on all sides had be staved off, for the moment. The moment. But, like everything else, it was born to die.

I think that everyone looks pretty at different times. There are many factors that contribute to beauty; light, dark, mood, situation, serotonin, alcohol, vulnerability, exuberance, et al. We have the propensity to be pretty to someone at certain times. Permanence is the bane to this theory. How do we harness such a thing for prolonged periods? Everything is eventual. Love and death.

“You have probably met her already. Like two ships passing in the night.” She proffered.

It was as if God herself had spoke the words.

“…like two ships passing in the night.” I whispered.

I have always been amused with how when people do not have anything in particular to talk about and they are simply standing around wrestling with time, they converse with themselves in their minds. Then, intermittently they speak aloud a fragment of a thought or series of thoughts. A truly beautiful aspect of being human.

“I feel ok, actually. Sometimes I feel greater than I ever have, and others I feel quite despondent, but I suppose these are universal sentiments.” I said to her.

“Yeah, I know. This morning I felt like I was going to throw up every two seconds. It was probably that friggin’ sushi I had at the mall last night. I am never eating there again.” She responded.


The voices of Amsterdam and Belgium whispering in the distance. When I was a great deal younger Tori told me that they “say that things change, my dear.” I suppose they do, but I despise when things change. I am not ready. Not for this. When I was very young I cried for weeks when my mom traded in her old, face encompassing glasses, for new streamlined spectacles. I died for weeks when my parents replaced the old brown shag rug in my room for a new stain-resistant, closely cropped sky blue rug. That old rug was the terrain of my youth. Many memories lived and died on that rug. Many epic battles of youthful imagination were fought upon its surface. Many dreams carried me to far off places as I lay sleeping in its comfort as a child. I saved a piece of that rug, I saved those glasses, that old blanket that they thought they threw out, those broken toys, those scribbled stories, all of those little pieces of things that meant nothing to anyone else but myself. I saved them all and many other things like them. I carry them with me. They are in my Pandora’s box. Waiting to bring me back there…with them.

“People say that ‘the more things change, the more they stay the same,’ but that is not true at all.” I interjected.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Well, it seems to me that when most things change, they stay changed. Quite changed. Growing up and getting older is an extremely difficult thing to experience. Letting go of youth and dealing with the harsh realities of life is very disappointing. When we were younger, everything seemed as if it was always ok. The world was so much more beautiful. As children every color was a thousand billion times brighter. As teenagers love and lust painted the world with stars and hearts. At each transition, something is always changed, never to recoil back to more beautiful feelings and times. Change in our lives now…is many times PERMANENT. The hurt of a lost love, is real and permanent. Those grades, permanent. Death, permanent. Aging, permanent. Change is a harbinger of sorrow.” I orated.

“Yeah, it kinda sucks. You suck for saying that, now I miss my dog.” She snorted, rather aggressively as she punched me in the arm.

My father always told me that the dictionary is a very powerful thing. He was right.

And I said, “in Sara’s silence there is something that catches my eye, in Sara’s silence the sunset, never, ever, dies…it never, ever dies…”

“Almost time,” she promptly informed.

“Although it is about perspective. Change, deceptively leading to times of lesser value, can provide opportunity for rectifying wrongs. For answering prayers. For standing up. For inducing action where action was lost. For reinvention. For little children. For remembering the rain. For experiencing the rain again. For aging gracefully. For not “aging” at all. For falling in love. For climbing in esteem. For realizing that failure is sometimes refreshing and necessary. For gaining weight. For losing weight. For taking that trip. For just staying home. For that rising sunset. For holding her hand. For teaching others. For being taught. For making memories. For making amends. For doing silly things. For no regrets. For beginning to understand. For failing to be misinformed. For not caring. For caring too much. For just being ok. For long conversations. For another cup of coffee. For finally respecting your parents. For forgetting those who have broken us. For eventually making peace with change itself.” I exclaimed -- on and off.

“Damnit, my phone died” she grunted, whiled fumbling with her pink, bejeweled cellular telephone.

Things change.

Just then I noticed a red balloon floating in the sky. Wayyy up in the sky. A single red balloon. Bouncing from cloud to cloud. At times it seemed motionless, then it would float onward. It was serenity. I followed it until it became a red blood cell and then invisible.

…maybe they do stay the same…

…sometimes.

Sara with no "h"

There is this girl, her name is Sara with no “h.” I always imagined that we would meet someday. It would be an innocent meeting. By “innocent,” I mean it would be slightly awkward, but she would like me for me, right from the start. Is this that impossible? She would be just like me. She would be nothing at all like me. She would find my inaccuracies and imperfections disarming. Her presence is all I would need. We would both be young, despite our ages. She would respect my inexperience and the lack of fluidness in my movement and demeanor. She would fall. I would fall. We would silently agree to never stop falling. She loves the rain…

There is this girl, her name is Sara with no “h.” She would have a sarcastic personality, but with a sweetness, which is rare today. She would choose bourbon over margaritas. She would listen to her music LOUD!!! She would love being a girl. She would chase the sunset through the rearview mirror. Is it possible to miss a girl, whom I have never met? Is it possible to be desperately in love with someone whom I do not even know exists? She would be very loud. She would be very quiet. So loud/quiet , so quiet/loud. Her hair would be crazy sometimes, but just sometimes. She would understand that I have a lot of trouble being myself. She would know that I have loved so much. She would love that I was very damaged and that I cannot find all of the pieces of my heart. She would love that I cry.

There is this girl, her name is Sara with no “h.” She would know many things. She would know nothing at all. She would be so laid-back as to be dreaming at all times. She would be carefree and teach me to be carefree. She loves dogs. She would yell at me when I deserved to be yelled at. She would yell at me when I did not deserve to be yelled at. She would love to get dirrty. She would be imperfect. She would be perfect. She would love her life more than her job/money/education. She would love love more than her life. She would hate to dance. She would love to dance. She would not care that I hate to dance. She would let me sheepishly ask her to teach me how to dance, but never make me dance against my will.

There is this girl, her name is Sara with no “h.” She would stay up all night long, and get up very early in the morning. She would prefer pajamas to regular clothing. She would love to be huggedandhuggedandhuggedandhuggedandhuggedandhuggggggggggggggged. She would love the seasons. She would love autumn. She would never be embarrassed. She would love mixtapes and she would make me mixtapes. She would pretend to love my mixtapes. She would tell me when she hated my mixtapes. She would never get too worried. She would always be standing in the doorway. She would love for the world to be pretty. She would help me try to make the world pretty.

There is this girl, her name is Sara with no “h.” She would let me love her. She would let me die for her. She would let me live for her. She would love flowers. She would be thoughtful and creative. She would love children. She would think that I was handsome. She would have drastically different political views than me. We would spend our lives trying to convince the other that we each loved the other more. Our life together would shape us. She would need me. I would need her. She would want me. I would want her. She would be intrigued and amused by my valiant attempts at being poetic. She would vigorously defend poesy.

There is this girl, her name is Sara with no “h.” She would be SOOO spontaneous, fearless, hopeless, clumsy, happy, dramatic, enigmatic, and fragile. She would not care. She would sing a lullaby to every single star in the sky. She would be afraid of something, but not other things. She would spin a thousand times a second. She would get dizzy. She would fall down. She would force me to come over very late at night. She would never let me leave. she would NEVER let me leave. She would have no expectations. She would have great expectations. She would find me. She would let me find her. She would go out of he way to touch my hand. She would love her bed.

There is this girl, her name is Sara with no “h.” I love her sooooooo much. I do not know what she looks like. I do not know where she lives. I do not know what color her hair is. I do not know her favorite food. I do not know what makes her laugh or what makes her cry. I do not know her hopes and her dreams. I do not know if she lives or if she died. I know her better than I know anyone else in the world. I know that everyday I rise from my bed with the hope and anticipation of meeting her. I know that I love her. Wherever you are Sara with no “h,” whomever you are Sara with no “h” please know that I am waiting for you. I will be here when you are ready. When you are we can begin. Until then, be happy. I am constantly dreaming impossible things for you. I am constantly planning our future. I am constantly thinking of ways to make you smile. I am constantly falling, that mighty backwards fall, for you. For you. For you. For you. For you. For you. For you. For you. For you.

Oh and Sara with no “h,” it is ok if you name contains an “h.” Sarah(appiness), Sarah(ope), Sarah(allowed be thy name), Sarah(elloandgoodbye), Sarah(opscotch), Sarah(ome), Sarah(oly), Sarah(apless), Sarah(elps), Sarah(umble), Sarah(oldme), Sarah(andinhand)…it is even ok if your name is not even sara(h) at all.