*~Destination Constellation~*

"to hold the flower i cant keep." something sorrowed something blue, something hopeful, me and you....
when we were young, everything seemed different....in the summer the sun seemed more orange, everything seemed more orange....in winter the snowflakes seemed much bigger...the night seemed more unlimited...the cracks in the pavement seemed more meaningful...a rainstorm smelled impossible...its all about the after glow...sleepovers stole our hearts...and the most pain we suffered was upon hearing our parents yell to us from up the street to come home for the night...youth...unlimited imagination, unlimited beauty...indestructible...was it the chemicals between us...those life-affirming chemicals....hormones...was it the age of innocence? incense? intents?
that first kiss...the world moved so fast...and so slow....in every direction...explosions of color, lust, pain, happiness...falling through the evening...it was never later than we thought...i was much later than we thought...you seemed so tired? a day's past retired...all of those hearts....tucked deep inside our beds....all of those ideas frozen in our heads...
the world was a painted canvas...the sun glued to the sky...the moon a flashlight for the vampires...the street a river dividing my house from their house, from your house, to their house...our bodies so fragile...that first kiss....innocent...free from the stain of adult corruption and lascivious intentions...that first kiss...we could not get that smile to leave our face...smiles for miles and miles and miles....
a sea-change~* it is never too late to see life as we used to...adulthood and all the deafening silence that shadows the wonder of youth is only a mere cataract in the eyes of misguided and yearning people who have been led astray...our eye discourses...i will follow it...that street, that sun, that moon, that rain, those stars...that summer, that winter, they are always there. they did not leave...our purpose, our innocence, left....catch the light...we need a sea-change...we should have, we could have...................remember that hiding place? remember that secret space? remember that destination, that constellation? destination constellation. the night will embrace us...and hold us until we remember how to be...to be...we can still be afraid of vampires...vampyres...it is still dark...sea-change...we need a sea-change...the sound of a million violins sighing....pull your covers over your head...that universe is still there...IT remembers YOU...forgetting when, remember how...fall beneath the waterline...a sea-change...

everything has begun and ended,
always is about to begin,
forever lies with the sunset in tomorrow~*

nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.

"(forgetting me, remember me)" Is there anything prettier than the changing of the seasons? i almost feel that just as my interest in one season begins to wane, another one is either ascending or descending.
F
a
l
l
i
n
g

That mighty backwards fall. into the arms of that...girl. that girl? that girl...i do not know if you noticed that i used the word "prettier" above, instead of "beautiful." Perhaps "beautiful" is overused today, rendering it, well, not as "beautiful" as it once was. The word "pretty" seems simpler, more powerful...timeless. Ernest Hemingway knew the value of this word when he chose to end The Sun Also Rises with what might be the greatest closing line of any novel, "wouldn't it be pretty to think so?" Mr. Hemingway quite deliberately, and quite brilliantly chose that word.
Spring appears to have arrived. Just in time. in time. time. thyme. just one more cup of coffee for the road. one more cup of coffee 'fore i go, "to the valley below." whirlpools and bougainvillea pedals. in losing her i found myself. i will find myself. i found myself. there are so many roads in life. so many roads that lead to the human heart. so many roads that will lead us to our eventual destination. so many roads...
answered prayers are prayers answered~* what will become of me? what will become of you? what will become of us when we are old and gray? is it useless to think about it? i wonder if we create our own destiny. Shakespeare wrote "there's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew it as we may." this divinity certainly is not always paved with tulip pedals and raindrops. sometimes our future seems to be as black as the soles of satan's feet. lined with people whose souls are as black as the soles of satan's feet. a saint i ain't. but i do set my heart to the "controls of the sun." tomorrow is saturday mourning. girl x. will you love me for all of my light? will you love me for all of my dark? perspective. one day. with your hand in my hand, we will walk alone, along that tree bend. "wouldn't it be pretty to think so?"
[fade out 8:59 pm]

A Heart that Beats as both Syphon and Reservoir...

Let us begin… how does one initiate living his or her life in the digital age filled with digital ghosts? I suppose that one impetus that a person might use to chronicle his or her life on the internet is the fact that they have reached a crossroads in life and are seeking an outlet to express themselves in the hope of receiving solace. Perhaps that is what has led me here. my life begins again today. this moment. this second. exit under cobalt skies. i did not exist until exactly 17 seconds ago. life, happiness, sadness, joy, and pain, it is all about perspective. Life with all of its truths and consequences continues to move forward as does the sea, “she goes forth out of hands and she returns into hands .”

i think that we redefine ourselves many times throughout our lives. sometimes voluntarily, sometimes involuntarily. it could be a beautiful metamorphosis. our subjective perspective acts like a prism through which the light of experience refracts and bends throughout time and space. it is the little things that matter most, nothing in life is trivial. that may sound very cliché, but the sentiment is so very true. when she wears that dress, it feels like the galaxy compressed. a single glance. a hopeful smile. a paper heart. a summer’s night. a winter’s moon. a new friend. the bitter end. there is beauty even in tragedy. the beauty of that limitless new possibility of the unknown. the topography of the human heart is inconsistent at best. i feel, evolutionarily speaking, that life is circular and that the structure of the human brain is analogous to not only other pheno- and genotypically evolved traits but to the intangible, existential road of a lifetime. the localization of function. the ability to recover. the heart, literally and figuratively, is simultaneously the strongest and weakest human element; it is at times able to withstand the fury of a thousand hurricanes or it can break upon the suggestion of a breeze. a second in time, is that measured in the same manner as the width of a single synapse? It is all about perspective.

in the United States of Conformity, the country where I live, people are always trying to convince each other how lonely or crestfallen they are. this despicable sentiment diffuses itself throughout our entire society, infecting all of us with a disease to which no one is immune. we have to transcend this. Life at any moment presents itself as a harvester of opportunity and possibility. there exist so many things that are bigger than we are. at this very moment a flower is opening in the Amazon, a Sperm Whale and Giant Squid (architeuthus dux) are engaged in a mortal combat in the icy waters of the Antarctic. Perspective arms each and every one of us with the ability to take up arms against insincerity or malady. The world personified - My weeping willow turns into a heart and breaks.
all that we have is time. we can persist for a century or expire tomorrow, and in “that sleep of death” we do not know “what dreams may come.” so please, as you read this, take pause, look around yourself, find the beauty that IS there and say, “well isn’t this nice?” There are elements that are always there to offer comfort and happiness; the sun, the moon, the stars~*, the rain. Life and happiness (true self-actualization) is all a matter of perspective. Mr. Thoreau has wisely noted that “the sun shines just as brightly on the alms house, as on the rich man’s abode.” You can take MY words and cast them off as pretentious rambling, but beware truth does lie within. this i promise you.

Perspective. My life is not as perfect has I had always hoped that it would be at this point, but as i lay here drowning…i learned to breathe water. i will not remain a dull flame. breathe water. in promethean unity i entreat a million cowboys to light their fires. there is a light within me that “will never go out.” we are all in need of a heart that beats as both “syphon and reservoir” to retain all of the blissful memories and discard of the useless happenstance. True Love and true friendship are like the seasons, they change, yet they always remain the same. Perspective. I did not know how best to introduce myself. the above meandering is the only way I know how. That is I. breate water~* As I whisper to you…
“and is with sleep….

love,
the breaking

of your
soul
upon
my lips”

[fade out 11:02 pm]